Tomorrow is the Big Day

We are getting everything prepared for tomorrow. I have decided that having gone through this once and knowing what to expect is both good and bad. I know what to pack for him and what he will need to be comfortable. However, I know what to expect from him before and after surgery. Unfortunately, after our nightmare EKG last week, I think he knows what to expect when he sees the people in scrubs.

The last time, after he was extubated and the heaviest sedation had worn off, I felt that he was really mad at me. I didn't get this vibe towards anyone else. Maybe I read too much into this, but I felt that I had broken his trust by putting him through this. It was really hard. That lasted a couple days and then he was better. Towards the end of the last surgery was a total disconnect and he got really depressed. The nurses all said at that point, he needed to go home. I felt that he had resigned himself to living a life like he had in the orphanage. Again, people think that I read too much into this and he can't comprehend to that level, but I still disagree. Either way, I feel very guilty knowing what he is going to go through. It has to be done, but I just wish we were able to explain all of this to him. We have some last minute tests and information to gather today, but we are really trying to enjoy our last day before the hospital.

I will be blogging through the surgery and hospital stay. We really appreciate all of the continued support and love from all of you. Thanks.

Ludlums